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Terri's mouth dropped open when she opened the door and there was Kurt. He searched her face for recognition, for acceptance. He wasn't sure of what response he received. Terri's mouth went dry instantly and her legs were shaky. She put her hand on the door jamb to steady herself.
"What in God's name are you doing here?" She managed to say. Missy stood away from the door, barking. Terri turned to her and hushed her. Missy walked over slowly and upon seeing Kurt began to wag her tail, whine, and jump up on Terri. "Well, my God, come on in." Terri said moving out of the way and allowing Kurt access to the house.
"Thank you." Kurt said brushing past her, his duffel bag in his hand. He moved into the foyer and knelt down to Missy. She licked him excitedly and let out little yips as he paid attention to her. Then he stood and faced Terri. She was a sight for sore eyes, HIS sore eyes! She was in sweat pants and a sweater, her curly hair hugged her head wildly. She had no makeup but was beautiful nonethless. He missed her and to him, right at that very moment, could have been a supermodel. "I'm very sorry to drop in on you like this but, I ..." He watched her. She was cautious. "I have been calling and you're never home. I wanted to come and see Brent and you and ... " She crossed her arms over her chest and eyed the duffel bag.
"I'm sure Annie and Brent will let you stay there. How did you even know I would be home? It's Thanksgiving after all ..."
"Andrea told me. And I would never impose on you to stay here." She nodded.
"Well, I have a life Kurt. I'm not home much anymore." She lied. She wasn't about to tell him all she ever did was sit here and pine away for him. His turn to nod.
"I understand." He said quietly. He felt very uncomfortable standing there, like he was naked in a room full of nuns. He switched the duffel bag from one hand to the other. He thought that maybe he should leave and find a motel for the night. Terri had been looking down and now she looked up at him, her green eyes glowing with the firelight that flickered throughout the room. He ached to touch her, to hold her. He pleaded with her with his eyes. She sighed finally and went up to him and pulled the bag out of his hands. She set it down on the couch and went back to him. Hesitantly she slid her arms around him and hugged. He wrapped his arms around her back and held her there. He smelled so good, his body felt good to her. She felt a multitude of feelings flood through her as they stood there together, clinging. He reached up and stroked her soft, brown curls. She pulled herself backwards and looked up at him. The minute he gazed into those green eyes, inches from him, he melted into a puddle. He leaned his head down and kissed her lips gently. She pressed herself forward and met his lips again to find them wanting, needing. His tongue left his mouth to find and explore hers. What seemed like moments later but was actually a half an hour, Terri pulled herself away from him and led him by the hand to the couch. She sat down and motioned for him to sit next to her. He did and turned to her.
"Well, happy holiday." He said, smiling. She smiled back at him.
"Oh, and you the same. What in hell brought you all the way here Kurt?" She queried. He cleared his throat. This was going to be hard. He had to tell her all the things he thought about in the last weeks that they were apart but the words wouldn't come. He wanted to tell her how he missed her, how he thought about her night and day, her touch, her skin, her hair, her smell. Those eyes ... the eyes that haunted his sleep and followed him during the day.
"Well, I could have gone home but I ..." He looked down. Missy was sitting right by his feet. He leaned down to scratch her ears. "I wanted to see Brent ... and you." He looked up at her. The look on her face softened as he said it. "What have you been up to? You're never home ..." She looked around the room trying to come up with something interesting. The TV blared in the background, she grabbed the remote and turned it off.
"Well, I have a boyfriend. His name is Jimmy." This was mostly a lie, she did have a 'Jimmy' in her life and they dated on and off as friends. It never got hot and heavy. She didn't want it that way, she wasn't attracted to Jimmy sexually. "We have been traveling on weekends, seeing different sights in Illinois and Michigan. He has a camper and we haul that with us." Her words stung. He didn't want to believe that she had just moved on after he left. But, why not? It wasn't as though he gave her any warning or indication that he would just leave and never come back.
"Is there a lot to do here in Illinois?" He asked, just trying to keep her talking by pretending to be interested. She shrugged.
"Sure there is, have you ever heard of the Cahokia Mounds?" He frowned. He was sure he had.
"Oh yeah, I have heard about them. Somewhere in southern Illinois, am I right?" She smiled.
"Yeah. Hey, would you like a drink? I'm having a glass of wine myself." She stood up.
"I would. Vodka if you have it." She nodded and left the room. As warm as the room was from the raging fire in the fireplace when she left it grew cold. He felt goosebumps pop out of his flesh and rubbed his arms with his hands to warm them. She came back in, two drinks in her hand. She handed him a tall glass with red liquid.
"Vodka and cranberry. In honor of Thanksgiving." She said and sat down beside him again. By coincidence vodka and cranberry juice was about his favorite drink. He took a gulp and held the glass in his hand.
"So, this guy, Jimmy, is this a serious relationship?" Kurt asked, not wanting to know the answer. Terri shrugged.
"Who knows. I thought you and I were getting there until ... " She trailed off. She had opened up the wound and it was threatening to bleed.
"You know, I wanted to talk to you about that. I just didn't know how." She turned to him a little angrily.
"You didn't know how? I'm guessing you just say what's on your mind. You didn't though, Kurt, you ran away. You left me hanging." He stared back at her, not backing down until he saw tears pool in the corners of her eyes. He looked away. He couldn't bear to face the hurt he had caused her and himself by leaving without saying goodbye.
"I would like to say I'm sorry about that." She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.
"You would like to? But you aren't going to?" He reached out for her hand and she pulled it away.
"No, I am going to. Terri, I'm very sorry for leaving without saying anything. I thought it would be better that way. It saved me some heartache."
"Well, it caused me plenty of heartache. I could have handled you leaving Kurt. I figured you were going to anyway with the way you were acting once you found out Andrea was pregnant. But I never guessed you would just -- disappear." She choked out the last word. Her throat was tightening and tears were threatening to present themselves. She didn't want to cry. She didn't want him to see how weak she was for him. He took a deep breath and gulped down his drink. "What is it with you men, always thinking only of yourselves?" She whispered, staring into the fire. He reached out and moved her hair from her face. She pulled her head away from him. He saw how hurt she was and his heart ached. He wanted to hold her and tell her how much she meant to him. She wasn't letting him do either.
"Would it help to know how much I've missed you?" He said finally, the alcohol warming him inside and making him a little bolder. She got up off the couch, grabbed his empty glass and went off into the kitchen. She poured him another, refilled her glass with wine and sat back down on the couch.
"No because what that tells me is that when I'm not around you miss me but when I am around you're insecure. Maybe you should just stay away and you'll miss me and I'll mean something to you." Her words were harsh but had a ring of truth to them.
"Terri, you do mean something to me." He said quietly. She looked away.
"A good time, a romp in bed. Fantastic sex." She muttered. At the mere mention of the sex that they had shared he felt himself flush and he smiled.
"We did have great sex." He said touching her leg. She turned to him.
"So, it's all about the sex?" She challenged. He shook his head.
"Oh, no, Terri! No! The sex was a by product of the relationship that we had." She nodded, unbelieving. He set down his half-empty glass and turned to her. He took her hands in his. "Terri, from the time we met we had great conversations and I thoroughly enjoyed my time with you. The fantastic sex we had was in addition to the relationship we already had. And when I say I miss you, I mean I miss the time we spent together. The times we talked and joked ... that kind of stuff." She looked at him with watery eyes. He leaned forward and kissed her again. Her lips were warm but not inviting. He moved his body closer to her and kissed her again hoping for some feeling from her. Barely there. He slid his hands through her hair and around her head. He pulled her to him and kissed longingly, his tongue moving inside her mouth, tickling hers. This time she responded. Terri wanted him so bad and yet told herself she wouldn't give in to it. She would resist him, send him packing. He would go back to Brent dejected and sexless. Now, a few glasses of wine later, fire heating the room, Kurt's body pressed against hers, his well-trained tongue dancing with hers ... she was helpless. She touched his arms through his sweater. She wanted to feel his skin. As she tugged at the sweater she felt her cheeks flush and warmth spreading up to her extremities from her belly. He broke away from the kiss long enough to pull off the sweater and the t-shirt he had on underneath. Then he pulled at her sweater and slid it over her head. She was naked underneath. He drew in a deep breath. Her breasts were large and round, his hands moved to them automatically. He touched them, slowly at first, enjoying them. He pushed Terri back onto the couch and then while holding one breast, took the other into his mouth. When he finished, he moved onto the next. He grew very hard for her and his erection strained against his jeans uncomfortably. He reached down and unsnapped and unzipped his pants setting it free. He ran his hands down her sides to her waist and continued downward sliding her sweatpants down her hips. He noticed that she had put on a little weight there and he liked it. She was soft and round, he leaned down and kissed her belly, his tongue flicking out and licking here and there. He drove his tongue into her belly button and heard her moan. He could still please her, he knew he could and he was driven by the desire to do so. He pulled the pants down further and saw that she was no longer clean shaven, she had let the hair grow back. It didn't matter. He wanted to taste her, hair or no hair. He threw the pants off to the side and pulled her legs apart. She was glistening with wetness for him. He turned her sideways on the couch, knelt down in front of her and began pleasing her by licking her thighs. It was tantalizing and Terri couldn't stop the moans of pleasure that escaped from her lips. It spurred Kurt on to lick and bite more. By the time he got to her sweet spot, Terri was near orgasm. Moments later, he was kicking off his jeans and preparing to mount her. Sex was swift and explosive for both of them. Afterwards, they lay on the floor, chests heaving. Kurt pulled Terri close to him and, noticing she was not looking at him, turned her head towards him. He saw she was crying. He searched her eyes and wiped the tears away with his finger. He smiled at her. She tried to smile back.
"Good God, baby." He whispered. Then he thought of something. "Wait here." He said getting up and putting on his jeans. He slid his shoes on and went out to the car without a shirt or jacket. He came back moments later with his guitar case. He shed his shoes and clothes again, dug into his bag, found his pajama bottoms and slipped them on. He pulled his t-shirt on over Terri's head and sat on the floor in front of her with his guitar in his lap. "I have a song I want to sing for you. Now, remember, I'm not the singer in the band, that's Brent's job! But, I try. And this song is very meaningful to me. It's one of my favorites." He started to strum the strings. Terri sat back against the couch pulling the blanket from the back of it across her legs. Missy curled up beside Terri as Kurt played. He warmed up a few minutes before he started to play the song "Epiphany" by Aaron Lewis.
"Your words to me just a whisper ... your faces so unclear. I try to pay attention ... your words just disappear. Ohhh ho, 'cause it's always raining in my head. Ohhh ho, forget all the things I should have said." Kurt sang softly but with much meaning. Terri listened intently, goosebumps popping out all over her flesh from the words and the feelings exuded. "So I speak to you in riddles because my words get in my way. I smoke the whole thing to my head and feel it wash away, 'cause I can't take anymore of this. I want to come apart, or dig myself a little hole inside your precious heart. 'Cause it's always raining in my head. Forget all the things I should have said. I am nothing more than a little boy inside that cries out for attention thought I always try to hide. And I talk to you like children, but I don't know how I feel. But I know I'll do the right thing if the right thing is revealed. Ohhh ho but it's always raining in my head ... forget all the things I should have said ...." Kurt finished the song and looked over at Terri who sat crying softly. He set down the guitar and crawled over to her. He lay next to her, pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. They fell asleep that way, right there on the floor.