|
|
|
It felt good to be home even though our footsteps made strange echoing sounds through the foyer. Josh carried Claire straight up to the nursery. He and I together decorated it in a black and white musical theme. We didn’t know whether she was going to be male or female so in any case we chose the black and white theme because it wasn’t either sex and because we’d read that black and white stimulated baby’s brain. When I walked in I was pleasantly surprised by red roses in vases scattered throughout the room.
“Did you do this?” I asked smiling. He nodded.
“I thought it needed some color for our little girl.” He lay her down on her back in the white crib we’d chosen for her. When she was safely nestled in her bed Josh approached me and slid his arms around me. “Now …” He said studying my face and moving a stray hair that had gotten caught in my eyelashes. “I want to show you how much I appreciate you. I know that giving birth to our daughter wasn’t easy.” I smiled.
“Especially for you Mr.Thud.” He narrowed his eyes to slits and growled at me.
“I did not pass out. I fell asleep. I’m a tough guy and if you don’t agree I’ll just have to prove it to you.” I stifled a giggle and tried to stare at him with a straight face. “You gonna be quiet for a minute so I can tell you how much I love you?” I nodded. He dipped his head to mine and kissed me. He kissed from my lips to my chin then down my neck and up to my ear. “I love you.” He whispered and pulled my body close to his. I could feel his excitement and wanted him so badly. I sighed heavily. He pulled away and searched my eyes. “What?” He asked.
“I can’t.” I said quietly.
“Can’t what?”
“Have sex with you.” He raised his eyebrows and blinked.
“Why not?” I clicked my tongue.
“Josh, I just had a baby. I have like three stitches down there but what would you know about it, you spent the whole time passed out on the floor!” He clenched his teeth and sighed.
“For the last time, I didn’t …” I pulled away and went into our bedroom and unpacked my bag. I didn’t want to hear his “I didn’t pass out” bullshit again.
“It doesn’t matter, I can’t have sex for a month or two. I’m sorry.” He followed me and yanked the bag out of my hands. He turned me to him and laced his fingers in mine.
“Listen, I don’t care about the sex.” I made a face. “Okay well I did care about the sex but if you can’t then you can’t." He pulled me close and slid his arms around me. "I just want you to know that I love you and I'm so happy that we are a family now." He hugged me tightly. Just then the baby began to cry and we both ran to her.
The baby was crying again. I nudged Josh with my elbow. He didn’t move. I nudged him again, this time a little harder. He mumbled.
“Josh.” I said.
“What?” He muttered without even moving his mouth.
“Will you go get the baby for me?” He lay there silent. I sighed. “Josh?”
“What?”
“Please go get Claire for me.” He flung the covers back off his legs, swung them over the side and shuffled like a zombie to the nursery. He didn’t even open his eyes. His mouth hung open, face unshaven and scruffy, hair flattened on one side. I jumped up out of bed and ran to the nursery. I was worried that if he was that tired he might drop her or something. I met him as he was leaning over to pick her up. “It’s okay, honey, I’ll get her.” He lifted her gently from the crib and then frowned at me, brows furrowed. I held out my hands and he handed her over.
“Why did you make me get up if you were just going to take her from me when I picked her up?” He snapped. I gave him a hesitant look and then took her over to the changing table for a diaper change.
“Josh, you looked so sleepy, I was afraid you might …” I trailed off not wanting to finish.
“Whatever.” He muttered angrily and shuffled back to the bedroom. I changed her wet diaper, snapped her pajamas and took her back to the bedroom. Josh was snuggled back under the covers. I crawled into bed with her and gave her my breast. She ate hungrily. I felt a slight tickling on my elbow and glanced down to see Josh’s mass of curls. I reached down and slid my finger through his hair. It was soft but slightly damp around his scalp. He mumbled something incoherent and coughed. I caressed his forehead. He was so beautiful. I loved him so much. At that very moment in time, his baby at my breast, my fingers wound into his hair, his soft skin against mine – I felt as though I was the luckiest woman in the whole world. When she was full I leaned back against my pillows and drew my knees up where I placed Claire onto my thighs. Her eyes were wide open and fists were flailing.
“Hey little girl.” I said to her. She stared at me, watching. “You are so pretty. Look at you.” I leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “I couldn’t wait to see what you looked like and here you are.” Claire smacked her little lips. I smiled. Glancing down at Josh lightly snoring I said, “Look at your daddy. So lazy. Just sleeping there when he could be playing with his little sweetie pie.” Claire was three weeks old now. Josh and I had been playing this game every single night – Claire would wake up, I would ask him to go get her for me and he would be grumpy about it. My mother stayed with us a few days after Claire first came home but I honestly couldn’t stand having someone else in the house with Josh and me. I didn’t want anyone else hearing him snap at me and me at him. Besides, I didn’t want any confusion on Claire’s part as to who was her mommy. Suddenly the baby sneezed. I smiled. “That was very cute little girl. Don’t think you’re going to get away with all kinds of bad stuff just because you’re adorable and your daddy is famous.” I said shaking a finger at her. She responded by moving her arms around in circles.
“Can I have that cookie?” Josh mumbled and then rolled over, his back now facing me. I stifled a giggle. What in the world was he dreaming about? I picked up the baby under her arms, cradling her wobbly head in my fingers and brought her up to my face where I smooched her open mouth. She sucked at my lips. “I do love you, but it’s time for momma to get some sleep. Look at that daddy.” I turned her towards him. “He gets to sleep but does mommy? Nope.” I held her against my chest as I took her back to her room and lay her down. She lay there, awake as I wound up her mobile. When it began to play I snuck back into bed next to sleeping Josh. He was facing me again so I backed myself up against him and pulled his arm over me. It wasn’t long before I slept.
