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The tour started up again (I say again because it had already been in full swing starting the January before and continued after a 3 month break) in July in St. Louis. We started out three days before and took out time crossing the picturesque landscape that is our United States. I brought along the latest Patricia Cornwell novel, Blow Fly and either sat or lay in my bunk, eyes glued to the pages. Cassie poured over agendas and Josh and his female companion, Jan played video games or watched movies on DVD. When it came time to unload the semi I sat and watched in awe. It was spectacular event seeing how the stage came together. I’d never seen anything quite like it. When dusk came and the time for the show to begin was near I was nervous and excited all at once. I couldn’t imagine how nervous Josh was. I hadn’t seen him for at least an hour and-a-half since the most magnificent buffet provided by the venue. After seeing this spread I found fruit I didn’t know even existed. I was standing to the side of the stage, multitudes of people bustling busily around me and then all at once the lights went out and the crowd roared. Suddenly there was music and a voice … a deep, baritone, soothing sound. I was in disbelief. Could this voice have come from little Joshie? No way! I squeezed my eyes shut and opened them again only to see him make his way down the brightly illuminated stairway towards the center of the stage, his voice clear and resounding through the hall. I was way more then excited for him, I was exuberant, I was feverish, spirited! He had made it, he had become something, he was somebody! I felt a rush from the very deep recesses of myself all the way to my head where my vision became slightly blurred and I felt like I was going to fall over. Okay, I had to get a grip. I pulled up a chair and sat through the whole concert, riveted to that spot until the stage manager ushered me out to the bus where I watched for him to return. When he finally arrived he was effervescent, full of energy, and soaking wet. (I found out later that he had showered inside right before retreating back to the bus.) I smiled when I saw him and held my arms out to him. He embraced me briefly and then he was off towards the back of the bus where drinks waited, Jan in tow. I felt somewhat of a letdown right then. He said nothing to me and had I not acknowledged him he may not have even known I was even there. I looked out the window only to see my own pathetic reflection. I mentally chastised myself for feeling put out by his, what I called, rejection of me. I meandered back towards my bunk and crawled in. I drew the drape closed and lay back on the pillow. I could hear voices, Josh talking loudly and belching, Jan giggling and scolding him for being rude. Not long after they put on a movie and the lights dimmed. The bus began to move and after some time I fell asleep.
Life on the road had become a chore. I thought, at first I was going to like being so close to Josh but with Jan around he barely knew I existed. I spent most of my time cleaning up after them, getting their clothes to the laundry, seeing to it he was to his voice coach on time and chauffeuring the two around like a, well, like a chauffeur. I felt like the mother of teenagers who had not yet learned to drive. The hardest part was watching them play in the backseat. It made me jealous as hell. Well, there was a paycheck out of it and since I wasn’t really anywhere I could spend a lot, it was accumulating quite nicely in the bank back in Los Angeles. I busied my mind thinking about buying my own house and while Jan kept Josh engaged with her mouth I stared straight out the windshield and painted my new house in my imagination. I wasn’t used to this jealousy thing. It was making a monster out of me and I hated it.
Around the middle of August Jan was called to work and Josh warmed up to me again. I will say it was a relief to have him back. Not that I had anything against his girlfriend, I didn’t but he was a different man when she was tagging along. She was nice enough to me, somewhat reserved but then again she didn’t know me. I was sitting at the table as the bus journeyed along checking statistics from the concerts when I heard Josh bellow for me from his room. Not wanting to seem too eager for his attention again I ignored him the first two times he called for me. Moments later he appeared at the doorway and leaned against it crossing his arms defiantly. I glanced up at him and raised my eyebrows.
“Yes sir?” I said lightly.
“Did ya hear me calling for you?” He asked and raised one eyebrow at me.
“Were you calling me?” I closed my notepad and set down the pen I was holding.
“Uhhhh yeah.” He said sarcastic. I feigned embarrassment.
“I’m so sorry, I was busy.” He crossed over to the table and leaned over my shoulder.
“What are you so engrossed in?” I slammed my hand down on my notebook pretending it was something I didn’t want him to see. He immediately made to grab for it but I pulled it away.
“Nothing that would interest you. Don’t you have something else to do?” I teased.
“Yeah but now I wanna see what’s in there.” I pulled the book off the table and cradled it in my lap.
“Nothing, I swear.” I said leaning down on it with my elbows. He wrapped his arms around my arms making a sincere attempt to pull the book out of my lap. First he pulled one of my hands away and then the other. My heart pounded wildly as he play fought with me for the notebook. I had as much as I could take of this intense flirting and I let him have it. Satisfied, he sat down, grinned victoriously at me and then opened the book. He flipped through a few pages and frowned.
“What the fuck is this?” He said. I laughed out loud. “You tricked me.” I sat back in the chair and folded my arms across my chest chuckling.
“Yeah, I guess I did. You’re too nosey for your own good, do you know that?” He pushed the notebook back in my direction.
“Yeah. Now come back here, I need you.” He got up and headed towards the back. I followed. He sat down on a small couch in his room area and indicated for me to sit. When I did he handed me a game controller.
“What is this?” I asked holding it out in front of me.
“It’s an Xbox controller.” I clicked my tongue and frowned at him.
“I know what it is, what do you need from me?”
“I need you to play with me. Jan’s not here and I hate playing by myself.”
“Josh, I don’t know how to play this game … or any other for that matter.” I muttered as he set up the two player game. He laughed.
“Good then I’ll win for sure.”
Yeah, he beat the pants off of me. And had he asked me to take off my pants I would have done that too. But he thoroughly enjoyed making me look like an idiot for a while and then he got bored and kicked me out so he could take a nap. Imagine that, 23 years old and he needs a nap! I would have given anything at that moment to curl up beside him and pull the covers over our heads. Instead I lumbered back out to the table and returned to my task.
