|
|
|
“How’s it going?” Josh asked, his cell phone cradled between his shoulder and his ear. He folded a tee-shirt and stuffed into his suitcase. He sighed. What was the point of folding it if he was just going to tuck it in any old way. He heard Karen sigh on the other end.
“Not good.” She closed a box and taped it. Using her teeth to pull the cap off a Sharpie she wrote ‘hall closet.’
“What’s wrong?” He asked as he zipped the suitcase closed and stood it up on the floor. He was getting ready to head on out to Dallas from Houston.
“What’s right?” She snapped. “It’s not working, Josh, he’s fighting me tooth and nail. No matter what I do he comes back with something better.” He felt the sting of her anger and sighed.
“Maybe you need a better lawyer.” He suggested. She tossed the tape roller down onto the floor and clicked her tongue.
“It isn’t that, Josh. He doesn’t want me taking the kids out of the state. And he knows if they don’t go, I don’t go.”
“Jag off.” Josh seethed.
“He’s doing it on purpose.”
“Why?”
“To hurt me and to get even with you. He’s so jealous it’s not even funny.” Josh rolled his suitcase down the hallway and out to the limo where the driver took it from him and heaved it up and into the trunk. Josh got into the car and settled back against the seat.
“That’s awful. I hate that guy.”
“Not as much as I do.” She felt a churning in her chest and throat. She swallowed hard trying to disperse the pain to no avail. She would have to get up and chew up an antacid. She went through a whole bottle of them just last week and was now sure she was getting an ulcer.
“I’m sure.” Josh said and lay down on the seat. His head was throbbing and he was tired. “I still think we should get some team of LA lawyers and blast him out of the water.” Karen sighed disgustedly and rolled her eyes.
“It’s not going to help, Josh. If Charles can’t do it then no one can. Here in Ohio men’s rights are huge. He has every right not to let me take them if he doesn’t want to and no court in the state is going to go against that.” She got up off the floor and went into the bathroom in search of her bottle of Tums. He just wasn’t getting it. No matter how badly she wanted to go to California and live with him she wasn’t going to leave without the kids. Josh didn’t seem to understand. He had asked her last week if she would consider giving them up and having them visit and she almost took his head off and he still didn’t seem to comprehend the magnitude of it all.
“How about letting him have custody then?” She held the phone away from her ear and squeezed it tightly in frustration. Her teeth clenched and her jaw ached.
“Josh …” She said with all the patience she could muster. “I won’t let that happen.” He felt his eyes sting and his temple throbbed as she reiterated what she’d said a dozen times over the last month.
“Not even for me?” He whispered. She felt like she’d been punched in the belly. How could she answer that?
“Why would you even ask that?”
“’Cause I want to know.”
“You sure you want to know, Josh, really? You want me to answer that question?” He gulped and swallowed a lump in his throat. No, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know but he’d hoped it would stir up something inside her, something that she professed to feel not too long ago. How much she loved him and would do anything for him.
“Yeah, I want to know.” He muttered reluctantly.
“Okay then, no, not even for you. Not for all the money or diamonds in the world, not for you or anyone else would I give up my children.” Her words were a shocking blow to him and he felt dizzy momentarily. He shook his head to clear the fog.
“Oh God, I knew it.” He whispered almost inaudibly and mostly to himself.
“Then why’d you ask?” She said softly. She had sucked down three Tums and leaned against the sink to wait for them to work.
“I don’t know.” He said. There was silence for quite some time. “I just don’t know.” He said finally.
“I would never ask you to give up your career for me Josh. You know that, right?” He nodded and then said softly ‘yes.’ “So it’s the same thing when you ask me to give up my kids for you. Actually …” She thought a moment. “It’s not the same thing, they are my kids for God’s sake!” He lay quiet as the car began to move, his head pounding in rhythm to the wheels on the ground, his heart aching and his eyes burning.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered. He couldn’t talk any more, his throat was tight and he felt an overwhelming wave of grief. “I can’t talk right now. I have to go.” He said.
“I’m sorry too, Josh. You know how badly I want to be with you.” She rubbed her temples with her free hand.
“Yeah.” He whispered, not convinced. “Talk to you later.” He said and closed the phone, terminating the connection. Josh lay there, tears pooling up under his lids and then leaking out. They trickled down the sides of his face and into his ears. He wiped them away angrily. She wasn’t coming. She wasn’t really fighting for it he told himself. He rolled over onto his side and tried to sleep. He hadn’t been sleeping well lately and it was taking its toll on him. After a half hour he finally succumbed.
Karen paced the house. She was slowly packing and it was starting to look like she’d accomplished something. The house was growing empty. Her throat still burned from the acid reflux and she instinctively rubbed it hoping to make it feel better. It didn’t. She leaned back against the counter in the kitchen and noticed for the first time how yellowed the walls had become. There were huge white circles in the place of where her collectible Thomas Kinkade plates had been displayed. They were now neatly and safely packed covered with bubble wrap in a box in the living room. She stared at the white circles until she felt dizzy. She didn’t know what to do about this whole situation with Josh and Sam playing their testosterone game. She was being pulled like taffy in the middle between them. Josh knew she would never give up custody of the kids and yet he kept pushing for it. Sam knew she wouldn’t either and that’s why he kept fighting her. And there she was a pawn in the center of it all. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to be with Josh, she wanted it more then anything else in the world but she wouldn’t give up the kids for it. Grief washed over her and she began to sob. For the first time ever in her life she loved someone so much that it hurt. She knew Josh loved her too, he wouldn’t go through the things he did just to be with her if he didn’t. And the ridicule he endured over their age difference proved to her how much he loved her as well. She knelt down to the floor, covered her face and wept. She wept for her, she wept for Josh, and she wept for the kids. She wept for the love she had that would never be able to flourish and grow into what it should be. She would always be stuck in Ohio, near Sam, at her crappy job, with nothing but weekends and short visits from Josh: if he would even tolerate that any longer. She cried until she had no more tears left in her and then she crawled onto her bed, wrung out and beaten, and slept for some time. When she woke she dragged herself to the bathroom, washed her face and stared at herself in the mirror. She looked old and worn; exactly the way she felt. She was tired and her body ached. Her mind was fatigued and she was sick of thinking. She couldn’t go through this any longer. She knew what she had to do.
